Looking for Strength
by DarkSpyder25
Summary: Percy still feels the effects of Tartarus weighing on his soul. They had made plans to leave the fighting behind and hide in New Rome. However looking at the stars makes him question if he has the right to leave the fight to others. One-Shot


It was the type of cold night that that sent of a rush of energy into one's body, telling them to move, to do something. But I did not do that, no instead I did pretty much the exact opposite of what my body wanted me to do. I sat on the cold snowy ground, leaving a Percy Jackson butt print in the snow, and looked up at the stars. Well maybe my rebellious action lost a little something because I was willing myself to stay dry, but hey I was still ignoring the cold. The only light apart from the moon and stars being the glow of anaklusmos laying on the ground in front me, my sword should bareing witness to the sky as much as I tonight.

For about half an hour now I have been out here looking up at the sky and stars, and just reflecting on my life and the things I have been through. I know, I know most people would say that me and deep thoughts are two things that don't belong together, but I guess life has forced me to change. Of course I know what has brought about this change... Tartarus. My friends and family don't know of my struggles, because I have done my best to hide those effects from them. The graphic nightmares that make me bolt upright from sleep, drenched in sweat. Gasping for breath, feeling like I am still in that suffocating heat and drinking from a fire river

The only person who knows what I am going through is Annabeth, and that is because she went through that hell with me. Of course my wise girl had to put a smart label on the situation, and I quote "Tartarus was an overwhelming living evil entity, of course it was going to leave an imprint on us." She says things for us will get better in time, and gods I hope that is true for the both of us. As it is now, we have been staying at camp as much as possible ever since we got back from the quest.

Every night Annabeth and I sneaking off to the beach, or my cabin, just to hold one another as we slept. To have a comforting presence help us both sleep through the night. Most of the time the idea has worked pretty well, and the times where one of us is awakened by nightmare, we talk each other through it. Then before the sun rises, Annabeth would sneak back to her cabin before the other awake. Either no one has noticed what we are doing, or have been nice enough not to confront us about it, either way I am grateful... also having a girlfriend with a once again working invisibility cap helps.

Of course our idea of coping doesn't work real with Annabeth visiting her family on the west coast. So I am fully expecting my winter break to suck with sleep deprivation and me probably being grumpy. Looks like I am Scrooge this Christmas... I guess Bah Humbug.

I am getting off track here though, my current problems are only partially the reason I am sitting at the edge of the forest, looking at the stars, when my mom and Paul are waiting for me to arrive in Montauk to celebrate the holidays. Well it is a little different than my usual tradition I started years ago. You see I am not exactly staring at the stars, but one constellation in particular.

"You know I usually turn men who stare at my huntresses in jackalopes," a young girl's voice said from behind me and I nearly jumped out of my skin in surprise.

I looked behind me, and there was a girl in her younger teens with Auburn hair looking at me with a glare, but the amused look in her silver eyes betrayed her. I immediately went to stand and bow, but the goddess held up a hand to stop me. "No need for formalities tonight Perseus, besides we have been through much together bowing is not necessary."

Even with her word I still bowed towards her from where I sat, "If you wished for men not to stare at your huntress, maybe you should not have put such a beautiful constellation in the sky immortalizing her."

The goddess raised an eyebrow at me, "History or not, I am slightly curious to what you would look like as a jackalope. My lieutenant could always use a pet." I began to wonder if my smart mouth was about to get me in trouble again, and then the Artemis's features softened and she smirked. Apparently Artemis was in a forgiving mood tonight. "Thalia has the same problem with insolent behavior, you two are very much alike. You are lucky I have grown accustomed to it."

I gave a small bow in appreciation for her forgiveness. I may be insolent but not suicidal. Artemis's next moved shocked me more than her surprise appearance, as she sat down next me with her legs laid out in front of her. If I didn't know she was an all powerful goddess, I would think she looked cute sitting there in her silver snow gear. Then I noticed the Artemis's brows furrow in a scowl and I followed her gaze to the image of Zoe in the stars... what were they doing.

"Is Zo... I mean the huntress twinkling?" it probably didn't make any difference, but putting Zoe and twinkling in the same sentence didn't seem right. Then again huntress wasn't much better... maybe Annabeth's loving nickname isn't wrong I thought.

"It seems" Artemis said in an exasperated tone "that Zoe finds our conversation of some amusement."

I looked from the stars back to the goddess and I am sure my shocked expression made me look like an idiot, "Zoe... she can hear us?" As soon as I said it I knew it was a stupid question, Artemis just said as much. Still sometimes question had to be asked... hmm maybe Annabeth is Athenaness is starting to rub off on me.

"Yes she is quite capable of focusing in on places and conversations if she so chooses. My guess is she has been watching you as you's have been looking up at her," the goddess mused and the constellation seemed to grow brighter in affirmation.

"Isn't it only her image up there?" I asked. Was there another option of where you get to spend your afterlife?

"It is," Artemis confirmed and my puzzled expression made her decide to continue the explanation, "Zoe resides in a special section of elysium with my other fallen hunters. However since the Huntress constellation was made in Zoe's image out her essence, she can choose to see out from it if she wishes."

"And our attention to her drew her attention," I said slowly hoping I understood that right.

Artemis only nodded and I looked back the Huntress with a new level of understanding, "Uh hi Zoe... uh sorry for staring," I fumbled for greeting. There wasn't exactly a guide to greeting a dead friend who was now a bunch of stars.

The Zoe image went through several different shades in what suspiciously seemed like her rolling her eyes at me, and when Artemis burst into laughter I felt like I guessed correctly. When Artemis laughed I felt myself redden in embarrassment, but I laughed as well. I had never heard Artemis laugh before, and I doubted many had before... especially those of my gender. The sound was gentle and had a melodious quality to it, and I thought it was shame that Artemis probably didn't laugh that much.

I always thought Artemis was the most stern and closed off of all the goddesses, that she was continually expected to embody strength and self-sufficiency. Containing all the emotions that her enemies or even the other Olympians could see as a weakness. Sitting there and hearing that laugh made me wonder if that was who she truly was, or just the image she portrayed to those around her. If it was the second, then my current nightmares of Tartarus seemed like a much lighter burden to carry.

Snapping out of my musings I decided to try to save of my dignity, "And how did you know I was here Lady Artemis? Is Thalia and the hunters nearby?"

The goddess finally got her laughter under control at the question, and I swore I could see a tear running down her cheek furthest from me. My guess was the tear was in part due to our conversation, but mostly the thought of Zoe's presence being here. I had to admit I felt a stirring in my chest at the thought also.

"No, we are currently camped in Maine right now. Thalia persuaded me to keep the hunt in a "Christmassy" environment for the holidays," Artemis's tone was that of annoyance but something told me she looked forward to spending time with her hunters in a relaxed environment. "As for you, I spotted you from my chariot on my way to the Solstice meeting. Seeing as how it doesn't start for awhile yet, I thought I would come down and confront you about your stareing."

"Or you find speaking to me more tolerable than dealing with the rest of the council for longer than you have too," I challenged back in a playful tone, and I swore I saw the huntress get brighter in agreement of my deduction.

"Slightly more tolerable," Artemis grudgingly admitted.

"As a male I am humbled by your admission," I said continuing to push my luck. I was sure Zoe was now watching and waiting for me to be turned into a jackalope.

Artemis huffed at the observation, "As far as your gender goes you've proven yourself to be an exemption on several occasions. However your tongue has grown quite bold and you dance with the furry animal line of my tolerance." Artemis's tone suggested she wasn't quite as annoyed as she let on, but I decided I would try to reign in my runaway mouth. "Now Perseus may I know what you are doing out here so deep in thought. Even the minotaur could have snuck up on you."

I sighed at the question, I didn't feel like telling the goddess of my problems, but I knew lying to her was not an option. Lying to the goddess of the hunt was probably a surefire ticket to a few links down on the food chain. However maybe I could start out with only part of the truth, "I think about Zoe every year on this day."

"The anniversary," Artemis said softly in whisper that anyone not as close as we were wouldn't hear.

"Yeah," I said in a somber voice, "I remember them all on the days they died... I mean the friends that I lost... makes my birthday a bittersweet occasion," I added the joke on at the end hoping to lighten the mood, but the goddess seemed to have latched on to another part of my statement.

"You think of Zoe as a friend?" the goddess asked curiously. The shock of the statement keeping her from noticing a male presumed to refer to one of her hunters as a friend.

I nodded and gazed back at the huntress, "I may have only known her for a short time, but in the short time of the quest she showed me all the qualities I like in my friends. If she had survived I hope she would have thought the same, or at least put me in the tolerable male column."

For a moment Artemis just sat there speechless looking at the constellation. She wouldn't admit it, but it felt good to know somebody else thought of Zoe as highly as she did. Sadly there were not that many hunters left that remembered Zoe. "I believe she would have felt the same," Artemis choked out finally her voice full of emotion she rarely ever showed.

Artemis and I both stared at Zoe's image wondering if she was going to weigh in on the issue, but the stars were making no indication either way. "My former lieutenant has always been stubborn," Artemis said and Zoe flashed in what seemed like indignation making Artemis smirk again, "Besides she deemed you worthy to wield her blade, that in itself says something."

We sat there in companionable silence just looking at the huntress in the sky. I had revealed much to the goddess already, but because of her relationship with Zoe I felt like telling her the real reason I was out here in the brisk cold night. "Do you want to know the main reason I am out here?" I ask in a serious tone. "Why I am out here in the middle of nowhere and sitting in wet snow, instead of just remembering Zoe somewhere more comfortable?"

Artemis was quiet for moment, weighing whether she wanted hear out any more of the demigod's soul baring. What he shared with her already beat at her usually fortified emotional barriers. However a part of her ached to continue hearing him speak Zoe's praises. "I'll admit the thought had crossed my mind," Artemis replied hoping she portrayed mild curiosity and the yearning she felt.

"Searching for strength," I answered not meaning to be cryptic, but having trouble continuing on.

The goddess was not quite sure what to make of that admission, but needless to the say that was a deeper reply than she expected. "I'm not quite sure what you're getting at I'm afraid."

"I won't go into details, but ever since the quest to defeat Gaea I've uh felt scarred," Percy revealed in despondent voice.

"Tartarus?" Artemis asked gently in a voice that she reserved for potential hunters who had been abused. Percy just nodded to the question, and Artemis had the foreign feeling of wanting to try and comfort him. "Some gods that have had to reform do not back the same from the pit, it is miracle that you and Annabeth survived at all."

"We both still feel his presence though... when were around friends or each other we can escape those thoughts for a time. If I am alone though the thoughts creep back in. Sometimes I feel like I can hear his voice telling me one day I will be his again."

Artemis didn't know quite what to say to that, she was way out of her depth here. She felt like a coward and hated herself for it, but she was going try to steer the conversation somewhere else. "Why are you looking for strength though, and why from Zoe exactly?"

Percy stared intently at the constellation, "After we got back from the quest, Annabeth and I sort of mapped out our lives for the foreseeable future. Spend a year at camp, go to college in New Rome, and then live there. A nice quiet life."

The goddess just looked at Percy confused at the seeming topic change, "That uh sounds nice?"

A sad smile formed on Percy's face, "It does... but those plans come with an unspoken declaration that we are done with monsters, done with quests, and trying to avoid the games of the gods."

"Understandable, you two have been through more than any other demi-god ever to exist," Artemis said and she truly felt that way.

"It feels like we are giving up though, expecting others to take the burden for us while we hide. I feel like I am dishonoring those I remember by wanting to give up the fight," Percy said his eyes falling on the sword in front of him.

"Like Zoe?" Artemis questioned thinking she was starting to put the pieces together. Men were supposed to have simple minds, but apparently Percy was going against the grain tonight.

Percy looked back to the stars, "She served you for over 3000 years, and I bet you never questioned her loyalty or willingness to do her duty."

"Never," Artemis responded simply and honestly.

"Without hesitation she led a quest to save you, knowing that she would die doing so," Percy stated in a firm voice that carried a tone of what could be described as reverence.

Artemis stared intently at Percy briefly wondering if he was trying to make her feel guilty, but knew that wasn't his intention. She did know though what he said next might shake her more than anything else he had said.

"It is one thing running into a fight thinking you might die. Sure you go in knowing it is a possibility, but you cling onto the hope that it is not your fate. Zoe chose to fight knowing the outcome. She showed strength that few can ever claim. In a way she is the strongest person I have ever known," Percy said still keeping his eyes towards the sky. Then he looked towards the goddess who was just looking at him, "Zoe is one the reasons I kept fighting for Olympus. That if someone like her believed in you and your cause that much, then maybe there were parts of Olympus worth saving."

At this point Artemis was absolutely speechless, and she half-wondered if her mouth was agape. To have such words spoken about her hunter, and from a male no less. A man just admitted to admiring the strength of a woman, something she thought she would never witness. Percy Jackson was once again proving himself to be the exception to the rule. Although Artemis refused to believe that were enough others like him out there to have to reevaluate her opinions on the gender.

Then Percy turned somber and looked at the Anaklusmos again, " So what does that say about me if I give up the fight? She thought I was worthy to carry her sword, to help continue the fight in her name."

Artemis didn't respond to the troubled demi-god's words at first. Partly because she was at loss at what to say, few people have ever shown their vulnerabilities to her like this before. In a way she felt humbled that Percy trusted her enough to show this side of himself, but given part of the subject of this discussion who better to empathize with. The other reason Artemis did not speak is that she did not trust her voice at the moment. All this praise about her greatest hunter was stirring up emotions that usually never made it to the surface.

"You are being ridiculous," Artemis finally said in a firm voice full of conviction. The same tone of voice she reserved for teaching her hunters, or scolding those she met of the opposite gender.

"Huh?" Percy said dumbly and looking quickly at the auburn haired goddess. Percy gulped at the hard look he was met with, and decided to stay silent not knowing what offense he gave the goddess.

"You who have been part of two great prophecies, the first one placing all the responsibility on your shoulders. You have been on more quests at only 17, then any other demigod. Faced monsters, titans, and giants and always somehow managed to prevail," Artemis continued on acting like she was lecturing an idiot before she softened a little and almost smiled, "Not least and much to my chagrin, literally took the weight of the world to save me."

Artemis then turned and pointed at the huntress, "If there were ever a male worthy of wielding her blade, it is you. If you need to take a break nobody would fault, Zoe included. However you are lying to yourself if you think you are giving up the fight."

Percy look back at Artemis perplexed.

"You may be able to rest for awhile, but sooner or later we both know fate will call you back," Artemis turned her penetrating gaze back to Percy, "And you will answer that call for the same reasons that shame you for wanting to give up. You are not one to sit back and let others fight in your stead, you have demonstrated over and over that is not who you are. More struggles will arise, and you will wield Anaklusmos in a way that would make Zoe proud."

Immediately after declaration, Artemis rose from the ground and looked toward the sky and looked towards the image of Zoe once again, "I will have to make a sacrifice to the Fates, and thank them that you were not the hero in the garden all those millennia ago."

Without another word, Artemis flashed away, leaving a stunned Percy behind. Never had he expected such words from Artemis when describing his character, and especially that last statement. He believed that was probably the reason she left so quickly, praising a male was probably grating against the core of her being. In a way that just made the words carry more weight in Percy's mind.

Percy looked back at the sky and swore he saw the huntress burn brighter than any other time that night. With a warm smile, Percy picked up Anaklusmos and stood up. He inclined his head towards the huntress, and started back to the car. A renewed spark of life making him feel like he hadn't in months.

A/N: So this is just a an idea that popped into my head, and I felt like writing it. I always loved the character of Zoe and felt like many opportunities were lost when she died. Also I wanted to write how I felt Percy remembered his friends.

So I would like feedback on my writing. I have been kicking around a story idea for a week or two, and would like to hear people's reactions to my writing before I do so. The story idea has nothing to do with this one-shot though.


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